ON HOPING AND EXPECTING

by: Atty. Mark Gil J. Ramolete, MA Philos

          Speaking from my own vantage point who tried to expect that much, i think that one can stop from expecting just by simply trying to live the moment___to live with the now___to be rooted with the here and now. All expectations are born out of what we desire to have in the future, including our hopes as well. I am not completely against having certain expectations in life; however, our expectations should and must still keep us in touch with the here and now____with the present moment so that we will not end up practically frustrated and disappointed. Just like in my case, i tried to expect that much about the future only to end up crashing and modifying those plans i had. But i said this to myself that what happened way back then was all part of the process of my journey...of my becoming as a unique individual, and that i should be forward looking and not to dwell and to be consumed too much by the past...that i have to move on but must not forget how i was casually influenced by the past to be guided accordingly in the future.

   To proceed further, when it comes to expecting and hoping, both are after something to occur in the future.

    To differentiate the two, i’ll try again to speak from the vantage point of an actor and not simply that of a spectator. With the act of expecting, the expecting person has actually conditioned the mind about that something that s(he) desires to have in the future is most likely to occur or to happen.

    On the other hand, with the act of hoping, the hoping person has not actually conditoned the mind about that something that s(he) desires to have in the future is most likely to occur or to happen. Conditiong the mind, in order for the self to believe, that what s(he) desires to have in the future is most likely to occur or to happen could lead to a more intense feeling of pain, frustration and disappointment. This is not the state of affair to be experienced by someone who simply hopes. 

   The hoping person simply lives the moment as if that which s(he) desires in the future to occur or to happen may or may not materialize. On the other hand, the expecting person is trying to live the moment with too much attachment for the future by thinking that what he/she desires in the future should and must going to occur or to happen.

    This time let us go to the degree of pain that may be experienced. The pain to be experienced by the expecting person is greater in weight and intensity for having a conditoned mind, that is, believing that what he/she desires must and should happen. On the other hand, the pain to be experienced by the hoping person is lesser in weight and intensity for not having conditioned the mind, that is, not believing that what he/she desires must and should happen____that what he/she desires in the future simply may or may not going to materialize.

   Hence, simply try to live the moment___to live with the now___to be rooted with the here and now...hope but not expect....the next time  for example that you offer the self as a valuable gift to the other in the loving encounter, just hope that the gift of self be reciprocated. Remember that in every gift giving, we should not be expecting that we also get a gift in return...it may or may not materialize. This is now what we call the risk in the loving encounter, the other with (he)r own subjectivity as a being capable of coming up with meanings may accept or reject the offer of love. Now if you are ready to love, then you must also be ready to be possibly hurt.